I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
