giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize