you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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