Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Duck Duck Cougar?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
