Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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