I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just found a bag of teeth...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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