God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
