i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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