I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
