You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
