i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
