I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
