Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were trust falling into bushes
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
