I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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