Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
