he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
