I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
