there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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