I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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