you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
