apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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