omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
