I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
