I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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