I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
