our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
