So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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