you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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