i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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