I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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