he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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