mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
