can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
