she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize