He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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