hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
