i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
