He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize