She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize