the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
