I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
