it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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