If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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