I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
