last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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