Yo dont text me then not text me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
