she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
