Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
