you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
