I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
