Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to make a zoo with you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Randomize
