So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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