I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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