She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
