had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
smell my finger.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
