you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
