He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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