On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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