We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
