sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
