the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
