im six kinds of drunk right now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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