She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My dick has a subreddit
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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