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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She's just so happy...and so naked.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..

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• (714): View more from California

  Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  ...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo

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