to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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