I haven't been this sober since birth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
