how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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