how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
