I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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