Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
