I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Please don't give away my fajitas
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